Sunday, December 15, 2013
In the past few years I've noticed that I had become basically a nervous wreck. Worrying about things. What kind of things? You name it, I would worry about it! Dying of cancer, my kids getting sick my husband leaving, my house burning down, my kids being unhappy, my kids being kidnapped, my kids being hurt, bullied, sad, alone, my husband losing his job, having no money, losing my house, having to take the bus, not having the comfortable life that I had grown so accustomed to....Take a breath!....BUT...... honestly it didn't really matter because this wonderful life I had been living was actually feeling quite hellish anyway........... SO.... Even though I was only worrying about these things, things that hadn't come close to happening I was making my life so unbearable to live that I had to do something to help myself.
Not wanting to go on medication as that has been the solution to most of my problems. I wanted to feel better, enjoy my life, enjoy my 2 amazingly content(despite my crazies) beautiful daughters and my sexy as hell husband who literally adored me and would do anything in the world to make me smile and feel happy once again. Wait once again? Had I ever really felt that feeling of complete contentment. Sadly, NO!
Feeling so ashamed at this point that I had everything anyone would want to have and was unable to actually enjoy it I desperately searched for help. I started therapy which was the first thing that started to ease the crazies but I still needed something more. I know most of you mommies are sitting there thinking that it's normal to obsess about the welfare of your children but honestly my friends it's not. Life is for living and living free of the what if's, the what may's and the what would's is not a comfortable optimal state of being.
Yes, life sucks sometimes. It's been a year since Newtown and the deaths of those precious angels who had been gunned down by a maniac tortured sad sad soul. BREATH.....But, worrying every day about that happened to my kids, contemplating home school, shielding, protecting keeping them safe at home forever is not the answer. Trying to control life and manipulate everyone like a bunch of pieces in a game is also not the answer. I was making my life way too complicated and it was feeling like a jacket that is itchy and you want to throw out even though you spent a fortune on it.
Enter TM. Was is Tm you say? Well, TM stands for transcendental meditation. A from a meditating unlike any other kind. You don't concentrate, you don't try, you just simply learn this easy uncomplicated technique the easiest most simple thing you can imagine despite my trying, in the beginning to also complicate it. It cant be done. BREATH! I also wanted my whole family to do it but force I wouldn't do but suggest possibly, take along I felt was reasonable, so I brought my 13 year old daughter Bella to learn with me and she is actually like everything she does a star bc she is so uncomplicated and pure. So doing TM twice a day is quickly dissipating the crazies. I can't tell you how fortunate I feel to have learned this and to have been blessed with the ability to have this in my life. I am a new person. I am not nervous, anxious, worried, sad, upset, full of what ifs, what mays and what woulds. I truly believe from the bottom of my heart that the universe will take care of me and my family and that if I keep trying to be a better me, if I keep letting go of the need to control and manipulate, if I keep believing that life is not about worrying about everything that will never happen but for living happily ever after for today and appreciating the blissful angels that are my girls and husband and that I have them because I am a blissful angel who should have a happy blessed fortunate life free from the crazies.
If you are like I was and you feel you need a change, or you are fine with life, or if you are somewhere in between, also try this amazing form of meditation because you will be amazed at how much better your life becomes. I PROMISE! You can find a TM teacher at TM.org It will be the best investment you have ever made for yourself.
Thanks for taking the time to read my blog!